Take Time to be Kind

In my currently hectic life, I can't help but wonder. What does it mean to live, to be happy? You know, wake up in the morning and spring out of bed, know that today is something worth enjoying, that today is going to be a good day. I try to think of the days that I felt this way and not many come to mind. Perhaps, during these times, I am only living for myself. I'm doing what I need to do and nothing more.

I know that when a younger boy was depending on me each and every day to reassure him, I was awake and ready. I felt that my life had meaning. It had value. He used to call me at all hours and I was there for him, even when my eyes refused to stay open. I felt that I had a bigger purpose. I think that living means doing things for others.

Happiness seems to come to me when I am helping. I like feeling as if I am making a difference for someone. Even if it is only temporary, it is nice to believe that I am making their life a little easier.

If you ever need a pick me up, do something kind. You'll feel so much better about yourself and the type of person you are. It might not solve your problems, but taking care of someone else is a good way to take care of yourself.

Crossroad

I am finding it harder and harder to write these days. I don't know if I am just becoming so busy that I actually don't have time, or if I am starting to grow away from my blog altogether. Truthfully, this makes me both happy and sad. I love writing. I love getting everything out, going back months later and looking at my progress. I love the freedom of saying anything I feel I need to say. I love the different creative outlets it allows for. Yet, I love not needing to write anymore. I love that I'm learning to cope with life in new ways. I love that I have found talking works just as well as writing, and brings me closer to others in the process.

I am aching to write and I am aching to continue life in the way it has been going for the past few weeks (free from blogging). It's interesting to find myself sitting at this crossroad. I never thought that I would be able to give up this piece of my life, but the less I write, the less I find I need to do it.

When I set out on my search for happiness, I knew that it would be a long, hard journey. And, I am still in the process of finding everything I want. Still, life is better. I am stronger. I have learned so much along the way and I have met many wonderful people. My journey is far from over. I am still so young, with tons left to learn. Yet, I think that, at this very second in my life, I won't be updating quite so much. The lessons seems to be coming a little more slowly and I am enjoying where I am a little more completely. I have not given up on writing, or on finding happiness, but I have decided that I need to spend a bit more time appreciating where I am and a little less time analyzing every detail.

Keep Holding On

Transitions are the hardest thing in the world for me. Even more, I find a way to make them worse for myself. Instead of just getting a little nervous and then facing my fears, I get scared because I am feeling scared. My problem is that before, I didn't know it was possible for things not to get better. I always thought that I was scared of the unknown but once it became known, it wouldn't be scary anymore. Now, I realize that not everything has to work that way. Thing don't have to get better. In fact, they could get worse. I guess before I was a little blind to the possibility and now that I can see it, nothing freaks me out more.
I am working so hard to overcome this. My mom and I have spent a lot of time talking about it. She very much believes that because I know things can get worse, I am able to do something before it happens. I like that idea. I've starting to focus on what I can do to make things better.

1. I can go visit my friends
2. I can get some work done
3. I can make a trip home
4. I can play loud music and dance
5. I can take a nap
6. I can go for a walk
7. I can call my parents or sister
8. I can ask for help

I have many options for fighting back against my anxiety. At times, some work better than others. Yet, I know that I have the strongest support system behind me. If I do fall, they will be there to catch me and help me back on my feet. I have made up my mind that transition is not going to beat me. I have been through too much and fought way to hard to let something like moving back to school bring me down. I deserve to have a good year and I am going to do whatever it takes to make that happen for myself.