I have been noticing that my mood seems a little sad lately. When I look back at the types of posts I have written in the past month, I just don't feel like I have been happy. For as long as I can remember, I have been an axioms person. I think you all probably know this by now. However, I used to consider myself a happy person as well. It is for this reason that I cannot stop thinking about this change.
I have never been a big promoter of religion. Don't get me wrong, I very much believe. However, it is not my place to tell another person that they must also believe. No, I think religion is supposed to be a personal choice and if you don't believe in anything, that's okay with me.
With that being said, I know I will probably turn a few people off to reading this post. My point is not to encourage religion. My point is to encourage having faith in anything. You can choose to believe in yourself and your own abilities, or you can choose to believe that people are inherently good... Or, you can choose to believe that ice cream can fix any problem. As long as you have faith in something, I think that is part of where happiness comes from. It is this idea that we able to face whatever happens in life. Knowing that the world (or our problems) are not too big to be tackled, this is what I mean by "having faith."
For me, it helps to think that there is a larger reason to the struggling, that some grander plan is falling into place. Yet, I know that not everyone feels this way, and that's okay with me. Even still, I like to think that I am not facing the world alone. I like to look up and feel as if someone is there helping me along the way. Yes, having a little faith is what helps me.
What helps you to get through the day? Where do you put your faith?
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Playing the Victim
I think it's safe to say that at some point in our life, we have all "played the victim." We have all let a bad situation beat us down and we allowed ourselves to feel hopeless. Yes, I know I am just as guilty of this as the next person. I often find myself asking, "Why is life so much harder for me? Why do I have to try to enjoy myself? Why aren't I as happy as everyone else is?" I fully admit that there are times I play the victim.
I don't always mean to do it. Sometimes, I don't even realize that is what I'm doing. I find that there are days when I truly believe I was dealt a bad hand. If you ask me (and I'm just going to assume you actually want my opinion right now), it's okay to admit that you have a losing hand. We can't be winners all the time. No matter how nice it would be, we cannot expect everything to go according to plan. Sometimes, we have to take a step back and decide how we are going to play our losing hand. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes, we really do have to make the most out of a bad situation.
Because I often find myself feeling down, I have started to think of ways to handle how I am feel, rather than simply getting through it.
1. The most important thing is to acknowledge my feelings. Whether I admit them to a friend or I silently tell myself, I know that I need to accept the way I am feeling. Those feelings are not going to go away just because I refuse to believe they exist. Instead, it is healthier to face them head on. It seems that simply pulling those feelings to the surface, seeing them for what they are, helps me. It takes the pressure off. I don't have to pretend to be something that I'm not.
2. I try to change my mood (not ignore it). Rather that act like everything is okay, I think about the things that really are okay. Literally, I will sit and count my blessing. It definitely makes a difference to remember all the good things in my life rather than focus on the bad. I am a very blessed young lady and when I take time to think about those blessing, I usually realize the bad things in life are rather small in comparison.
3. When all else fails, I talk. I call my mom or close friend. I talk myself through my feelings. I explain why I think the world is unfair to me and I let every negative part of the situation go. I know that I can't always do it on my own so I turn to those around me. The world is not a bad place and I am not always the victim. Keeping my loved ones close reminds me that I am not fighting alone. I have people to support me. Knowing that makes a great deal of difference.
Regardless of how or why you feel the world has wronged you, it isn't worth allowing yourself to be consumed by those feelings. Playing the victim is not the answer. I know this first-hand. Instead, take charge, make a change, and remember that you are loved.
I don't always mean to do it. Sometimes, I don't even realize that is what I'm doing. I find that there are days when I truly believe I was dealt a bad hand. If you ask me (and I'm just going to assume you actually want my opinion right now), it's okay to admit that you have a losing hand. We can't be winners all the time. No matter how nice it would be, we cannot expect everything to go according to plan. Sometimes, we have to take a step back and decide how we are going to play our losing hand. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes, we really do have to make the most out of a bad situation.
Because I often find myself feeling down, I have started to think of ways to handle how I am feel, rather than simply getting through it.
1. The most important thing is to acknowledge my feelings. Whether I admit them to a friend or I silently tell myself, I know that I need to accept the way I am feeling. Those feelings are not going to go away just because I refuse to believe they exist. Instead, it is healthier to face them head on. It seems that simply pulling those feelings to the surface, seeing them for what they are, helps me. It takes the pressure off. I don't have to pretend to be something that I'm not.
2. I try to change my mood (not ignore it). Rather that act like everything is okay, I think about the things that really are okay. Literally, I will sit and count my blessing. It definitely makes a difference to remember all the good things in my life rather than focus on the bad. I am a very blessed young lady and when I take time to think about those blessing, I usually realize the bad things in life are rather small in comparison.
3. When all else fails, I talk. I call my mom or close friend. I talk myself through my feelings. I explain why I think the world is unfair to me and I let every negative part of the situation go. I know that I can't always do it on my own so I turn to those around me. The world is not a bad place and I am not always the victim. Keeping my loved ones close reminds me that I am not fighting alone. I have people to support me. Knowing that makes a great deal of difference.
Regardless of how or why you feel the world has wronged you, it isn't worth allowing yourself to be consumed by those feelings. Playing the victim is not the answer. I know this first-hand. Instead, take charge, make a change, and remember that you are loved.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The Truth Behind the Tears
Once upon a time, I had the most perfect childhood. I laughed, smiled, and played. Life was easy enough and I was a truly happy person. When I tell my friends about what my life was like, people often ask me if I realize how lucky I was. The answer is yes. I know that I am very fortunate. What I don't think people understand, though, is how much living this perfectly comfortable life has cost.
Recently, I started thinking about the person I was growing up and what exactly made that life possible for me. I think I was so happy because I didn't know that I had anxiety. (I was still over-the-top anxious all the time, but no one told me.) I thought it was normal to be scared to have sleepovers with a friend or to go on vacation with someone else's family. So, I just didn't do those things. I saw no reason to do the things that scared me. I only did the things that sounded fun, safe, and easy.
Looking back, I wish I would have challenged myself a bit. I wish I would have known that anxiety was causing me to be afraid, and I wish I would have stood up to that fear. Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier now if I would have done "scary things" then. I'm not afraid that I won't be able to do them. I know I will because quite honestly, I'm not about to settle. It's just that it would be nice to make a choice simply because I feel like doing something. I hate having to weigh the odds or question all the details. I hate the feelings of fear that swell up in me every time a "scary" opportunity presents itself. Sometimes I just want to be able to say, "yes, I'll go away with your family." It's hard to always feel different, to feel like no one understands, to feel that in some way I am a failure.
More than all of that, I feel guilty. Saying no or admitting I am scared seems as if I am telling my friend that I don't trust them or I don't want to spend time with them. None of that is true. I cannot control when the anxiety comes, but the second it shows up, it crushes me. My heart pounds, I have a hard time breathing, my body gets shaky and cold, and I feel a sense of incapacitating fear. My brain says that the feelings are completely illogical, but my body says the situation is a threat. Usually, I end up hurting someone I love, even though it is entirely unintentional.
I know that everyone has their problems and I know that I am very lucky in a lot of ways. Even still, I can't help but wonder what life would be like if this wasn't my problem. I hate that I miss out on so many fun things, but even more I hate that I hurt so many people in process of alleviating my anxiety.
Recently, I started thinking about the person I was growing up and what exactly made that life possible for me. I think I was so happy because I didn't know that I had anxiety. (I was still over-the-top anxious all the time, but no one told me.) I thought it was normal to be scared to have sleepovers with a friend or to go on vacation with someone else's family. So, I just didn't do those things. I saw no reason to do the things that scared me. I only did the things that sounded fun, safe, and easy.
Looking back, I wish I would have challenged myself a bit. I wish I would have known that anxiety was causing me to be afraid, and I wish I would have stood up to that fear. Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier now if I would have done "scary things" then. I'm not afraid that I won't be able to do them. I know I will because quite honestly, I'm not about to settle. It's just that it would be nice to make a choice simply because I feel like doing something. I hate having to weigh the odds or question all the details. I hate the feelings of fear that swell up in me every time a "scary" opportunity presents itself. Sometimes I just want to be able to say, "yes, I'll go away with your family." It's hard to always feel different, to feel like no one understands, to feel that in some way I am a failure.
More than all of that, I feel guilty. Saying no or admitting I am scared seems as if I am telling my friend that I don't trust them or I don't want to spend time with them. None of that is true. I cannot control when the anxiety comes, but the second it shows up, it crushes me. My heart pounds, I have a hard time breathing, my body gets shaky and cold, and I feel a sense of incapacitating fear. My brain says that the feelings are completely illogical, but my body says the situation is a threat. Usually, I end up hurting someone I love, even though it is entirely unintentional.I know that everyone has their problems and I know that I am very lucky in a lot of ways. Even still, I can't help but wonder what life would be like if this wasn't my problem. I hate that I miss out on so many fun things, but even more I hate that I hurt so many people in process of alleviating my anxiety.
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