Celebrating Successes

As I am sure most of you have gathered, college was a defining moment in my life. I completely lost touch with myself in the city of Ann Arbor. Since graduating, I have not been back. I am honestly too afraid that it will happen again. Some of my favorite places are in that city, but still, I refuse to return. Yes, this is a sign of weakness - but I'm okay with it.

I survived living in a house of nightmares and I graduated with a degree from an amazing college. As far as I am concerned, I've succeeded. My weaknesses mean nothing when I consider my life in terms of my success.

Since I have started putting my degree to use, I realize that I have so many reasons to celebrate. I am proud of myself and I know that I am capable of great things. For the first time in my life, I think all the struggles were worth it. I am finally ready to be happy.

Stronger, Smarter, Better

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a poem about beauty, inner-strength, and growing up. I love the line "And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight." See, I used to think that I had to plan for tomorrow and build dreams that reached far into my future. I suppose you could say that I wanted to be prepared for the future, but honestly, I was just too scared to make plans based on today. I always thought that tomorrow I would be stronger, smarter, or better. Instead, I found that I was disappointed when my plans fell apart or my hard work didn't pay off. If I have learned one thing about life, it is that life never goes according to plan. 

In times of confusion, fear, or disappointment, I remember the poem that I fell in love with as a child. I remind myself to focus on today. I work to make the most out of the moment that I am in. I remember that I am strong and that I can overcome. I don't need to wait until tomorrow to accomplish my goals because I can start today.

Forever and a Day

It has been many months since I last took the time to write about my life. Sometimes I think it is because I am outgrowing my blog. Maybe I just don't need to escape in the same way I did when I was in college. It feels great to look back on writing and realize that each post has just become a story, a thing of the past.

Recently, I was talking with my boyfriend about bullying and I realized that I was indeed bullied. I was treated in a way that no one should ever be treated. Still, I survived. Truth is that I look back on college and I am happy it's over. The thought of returning to that town is something I have no desire to do, but I am stronger, happier, and better off for having fought through.

When I was in high school, I was a pretty interesting person. I used to pop between friend groups, wear no make-up, and change up my style for no apparent reason. I liked that I fit in everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. My best friend used to say that I was the type of person you either loved or hated. I wasn't concerned with what others thought of me because I was happy with myself. I was easy to get along with, but if you crossed the line, I would put you back in your place. I used to love surprising people with my feisty attitude.

Over the years, that part of me as disappeared. I am no longer the spunky little girl that I used to be. I suppose I grew up and lost touch. Even though I am no longer the powerful, intimidating, and spunky person that I used to be, I am now so loving of others. Watching my own world fall apart taught me that I never want to be the cause of another person's pain. I am willing to make sacrifices for these around me as a way to make their lives better. My goal is no longer to "put you in your place," but to help you find it.

While I still question if I've lost a vital part of my personality, I like to think that I am finally finding my way in the world. I always said that I wanted to leave this Earth better than I found it. I hope I am doing that by improving the quality of life for others. I used to think that I could take on the world alone, but I've learned that there is nothing wrong with having people in my corner. It is because of this that I am willing put myself in someone else's corner, too.

In my first ever blog entry, I quoted a good friend of mine. She said, "Things have changed for me, and that's okay. I'm not the same person that I was last year, last month, or last week even." Truthfully, I am still changing. Even after all this time, I learning to find my way. When I started this journey, I didn't realize that it would be life-long. Thus far, my biggest accomplishment is accepting that life is ever-changing and understanding that I need to change with it. Perhaps accepting this will make the changing a little easier... at least, I hope it does.

Nothing is Different, but Everything has Changed

So much of my life has changed since I started this blog. I set out on a journey to happiness, admitting that I had a long way to go. I am now a college graduate and I am in my first year of teaching. I left behind the hardest years of my life and I rarely look back. When people ask if I am happy to be done with college, I am quick to answer. I was ready to leave even before it started. Obviously, I think education is an extremely important thing. I may not have had the greatest experience, but it was certainly worth the effort.

When I am in the classroom, I often find myself wondering when I got so old. How is it possible that I am the teacher? Talking to my students, I realize that I picked the right field. I love hearing them laugh, seeing them learn, and watching them grow. I cannot imagine a more rewarding profession. I constantly think of my kids. I want to do all I possibly can to make them successful, realize they are important, and encourage them to be better people.

While I love my "grown-up" life, what surprises me the most is how few friends I've stayed in touch with. There are plenty of people I would love to talk to, but now that we graduated, we have nothing in common. It amazes me the number of "temporary friends" I made. It's like the only thing that brought us together was our location. Now that we've moved, there isn't anything we still share. Honestly, I think I have 3 friends from Michigan that I talk to regularly. They are truly the most amazing people and I would be lost without them. Still, I wish that the others I grew close to over the four years would have remained a part of my life. I pray for the day that I create a steady group of long-term friends where distance means nothing.

While I don't feel different, I know I am. I've changed so drastically and hardly at all. It is like I became the person I was meant to be... I just didn't know it was happening. Suddenly, I find myself taking control, asking questions, and living for more than myself. I am not afraid to fight for the things I believe in or to stand up for others. I know that I will find solid friends and create the life I always imagined. I realize that I have not found complete happiness, but I can tell that I am on my way. I am so much stronger now and I refuse to give up my dreams.