It has been many months since I last took the time to write about my life. Sometimes I think it is because I am outgrowing my blog. Maybe I just don't need to escape in the same way I did when I was in college. It feels great to look back on writing and realize that each post has just become a story, a thing of the past.
Recently, I was talking with my boyfriend about bullying and I realized that I was indeed bullied. I was treated in a way that no one should ever be treated. Still, I survived. Truth is that I look back on college and I am happy it's over. The thought of returning to that town is something I have no desire to do, but I am stronger, happier, and better off for having fought through.
When I was in high school, I was a pretty interesting person. I used to pop between friend groups, wear no make-up, and change up my style for no apparent reason. I liked that I fit in everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. My best friend used to say that I was the type of person you either loved or hated. I wasn't concerned with what others thought of me because I was happy with myself. I was easy to get along with, but if you crossed the line, I would put you back in your place. I used to love surprising people with my feisty attitude.
Over the years, that part of me as disappeared. I am no longer the spunky little girl that I used to be. I suppose I grew up and lost touch. Even though I am no longer the powerful, intimidating, and spunky person that I used to be, I am now so loving of others. Watching my own world fall apart taught me that I never want to be the cause of another person's pain. I am willing to make sacrifices for these around me as a way to make their lives better. My goal is no longer to "put you in your place," but to help you find it.
While I still question if I've lost a vital part of my personality, I like to think that I am finally finding my way in the world. I always said that I wanted to leave this Earth better than I found it. I hope I am doing that by improving the quality of life for others. I used to think that I could take on the world alone, but I've learned that there is nothing wrong with having people in my corner. It is because of this that I am willing put myself in someone else's corner, too.
In my first ever blog entry, I quoted a good friend of mine. She said, "Things have changed for me, and that's okay. I'm not the same person that I was last year, last month, or last week even." Truthfully, I am still changing. Even after all this time, I learning to find my way. When I started this journey, I didn't realize that it would be life-long. Thus far, my biggest accomplishment is accepting that life is ever-changing and understanding that I need to change with it. Perhaps accepting this will make the changing a little easier... at least, I hope it does.
