Where I've Been & Where I'm Going.

I don't know if I just have the "back to school blues" or if I am burnt out altogether. Or, maybe I am just really tired. Regardless, I feel nothing. I literally don't want to do a single thing. I got back from class and I would actually rather play with the split ends in my hair than do anything else. I thought about watching TV but that means using my brain to pay attention to the show, which is far too much effort. Then I considered taking a shower, but I need to take one in the morning anyway so it seems silly to do it now also.

As I sit here, I consider my progress. I've come a long way since this time last year. I am a much more put together person and I can finally appreciate the story I have to tell.  Although I don't tell my story often anymore, I pull it out when someone needs to hear about how even the worst of times can turn back around. It feels really great to inspire someone else in the same way that my friends and family inspired me. I know that I could not have made it without them. It's a lesson I never wanted to learn, but needed to know. I am a strong person. I always have been, but before last year, I couldn't admit it when I needed help. Now I realize that true strength means admitting that you cannot always do it alone. So, at the risk of holding on to this Thanksgiving holiday just a little too long, I want to say "Thank you" to all the people who pulled me back up when I was drowning in my messy life. You have a special place in my heart.
College has been an uphill battle for me, and it will be one that I continue to fight until the day I finally graduate. I've had small victories along the way. I've made a few great friends and taken a couple neat classes. My days are spent running around an artsy city that is filled with interestingly unique people. Yet, the war continues for me. It's odd, really. Even now, when nothing seems to be standing in my way, I have to remind myself of my purpose. Maybe that's what last year stole from me... my purpose. I know what I hope to do one day but I don't know how to get there. So, I constantly remind myself that the first step is graduation. When I finally get my degree, I am going to hang it on my wall, walk by it every day and say, "HA! You didn't beat me. I won!" And, I am going to remember that out of every bad experience comes something great. I am going to remember that with the help of the people who love me, I made something of myself. I am bigger and stronger than one bad year. Yet, for this small second of my life, I am going to play with my hair, sit quietly, and remember... where I have been and where I have left to go.