The First Step Towards Happiness

The truth is, as anyone will tell you, breaking up is hard. It hurts. My heart feels like its in a million little pieces. (Sadly, this might actually be the case considering I gave my heart back to the boy who broke it the first time around.)  I would give anything for someone to put it back together for me. Yet, as I say that I think about how I am the only person who can put all the pieces in the right places.

I had a major epiphany and realized that I need to fix my self-esteem. For those who know me, they know that I am always joking about how great I am. I regularly ask, "Can we talk about how fabulous I am?" I don't say that because I actually think I'm fabulous.... I say it to remind myself that I will make someone very happy one day. Clearly, I couldn't do that for the boy who left me, and I am sorry for that. But-- I will figure out how to make someone else feel as though he is the greatest thing that has ever lived.
To start this healing process, I know that I must first learn to love myself. I am working to see my flaws as beautiful. This is a very hard concept, and there isn't just one thing that I need to do to make myself more confident. I want to be the best I can possibly be so that I'm ready when the right man comes my way. Besides, if I can't love me, why would I expect anyone else to do it?

Last night, I took my first step towards happiness. I went to the bar with a couple friends. I reconnected with people that I had lost  when I was in a relationship and I strengthened bonds in existing friendships. While I spent a bit of time thinking about how much my former boy would have loved to see me dancing and laughing with my friends, I realize that he does not want to be a part of my life anymore. That thought alone breaks me a little. Going out and having fun helped me understand that I am going to be okay one day. I have a lot of supports that I didn't know existed until I fell and they were there to catch me.

While my life is changing, I am also changing. I am saying goodbye to a piece of my life that I wished would never end. Yet, I am doing so with the hope that I will soon be able to greet something new and worthwhile.