Pieces of the Puzzle

Over a year ago, I set out on a journey. I promised myself that I would find out what it means to be happy. I knew that if I looked hard enough, I could figure out what type of things brought me happiness. What I didn't know was how long the journey was going to take. See, I believed that if I could just find myself, I would be happy. The truth is that I was wrong. Knowing who you are is only half the battle. It is even more important to know who you want to become and what you need to do to get there. 

Upon meeting someone new, I was called "the nicest asshole in the world." At first, it sounds terrible and I admit that I was fairly hurt by this comment. It wasn't until the comment was explained that I came to realize, I sort of like it. Apparently, I am super kind and fun, but the second you cross the line, I am going to call you out on it. I cannot say for certain that this is the type of person I am, but it is a person I hope to become. The idea of sticking up for myself and others makes me feel like I am doing the right thing, like I have a purpose. Maybe I am not always the one to put a jerk in their place, but I am working on gaining enough confidence to do this more. 

Even more, I am learning what I need from life, not just what I want. I need close relationships (friends, family). I need people to turn to in times of trouble. I like to think that I can take on the world all by myself, but I cannot. Yet, instead of constantly asking for more, my goal is to give back. I would like to be the shoulder for them to cry on or the smile for them to share good news with. I worry about losing these wonderful people... because without them, my life would crumble. So, I ask for help when I need it and give support when they need it. I am working to constantly remind them how much their love means to me. 

Today I realized that my journey to happiness is never really going to be over. Happiness is simply being happy in our own skin. It is a matter of constantly improving, taking what you need from life, and giving back to others. I cannot say that I am happy, but I truly believe that I am on the right track. To all those who continue to love and support me through this process, thank you!

Break away from the crowd

Perhaps, I am not like most people, but I do not understand the purpose of St. Patrick's Day. In theory, I know that we are celebrating the life of a Saint, but honestly, why does everyone drink themselves into oblivion simply because of the day? I enjoy having a few drinks with my friends and laughing at not-so-funny jokes just at much as the next person. I like being social and hanging out at get togethers. Yet, this day stresses me out beyond belief. 

Maybe it is just the college life that I'm not understanding. It's possible that in the real world, things are not like this. However, yesterday was probably the most drunk-filled day I have ever witnessed. Instead of joining in, I spent time with a few close friends inside the apartment. Sure, I walked down the street and said hi to a few random friends, but for the most part, I did not partake in any St. Patrick's Day festivities. Honestly, I am happy about it. I don't think that people should do things simply because everyone else is doing them. Life should be about making yourself happy, not making others happy. I feel much better that I did the type of things I enjoy. I laughed, I joked, I chatted, but mostly, I made myself feel safe. 

Now, I am not saying there is anything wrong with going out and having a good time. Far from that. More, I am saying that it's only okay if you are doing it for you. Every once in awhile, it is okay to break away form the crowd and do your own thing. Who cares if others don't understand? As long as you are happy, that's what really matters.