So Long College

Well, it is official. I am a Michigan Alum. From where I sit now, college is a thing of the past. I survived the work, the city, and bitch-roommates. I never have to return to that city without it being on my terms. I feel like I have finally made it and real life is just around the corner. I cannot help but wonder if I am going to miss it. Sometimes, I think I will, and other times, I cannot imagine having to go back to that time. Regardless, I've made some great friends and enjoyed my time with them. I am both incredibly excited and very scared for what the future has to hold.

Just a Bunch of Words

Once in a while, I find myself looking at my blank computer screen. I want to write. I want to tell the world just what I am feeling. I want to have something to say. The problem is that I don't. I don't know what to talk about, and yet, I feel the need to share what I am going through. Except that it is hard because I don't always know how.

It is a huge struggle for me to open up about what life is like living with depression and anxiety. Mostly, I fear being judged. I worry that people will think I am weak or that I just like to complain. Yet, I know that if I don't talk, it is never going to get better. If I am not willing to share the story and teach others, who will do it? I cannot blame the world for not understanding if I have done nothing to teach them how to understand.

So instead of giving advice or sharing my goals, I will remember that it is okay for me to feel a little defeated every once in a while. I will remind myself that like all things, this will pass. How is it that you pick yourself up when you are feeling down?

Pick a Side

There is no such thing as remaining neutral. It truly is not possible. When friends fight, people always take sides. Always. You can pretend that you aren't, you can continue to see both parties, and you can keep your opinions to yourself. No matter what you do, though, you end up picking a side.

So instead of acting neutral, pick openly. Choose someone. It hurts a lot less to know that you have been betrayed outright, than it does to find out after the fact. Speaking from personal experience, my unfortunate roommate situation has caused a divide in friends. People picked sides. Some left entirely, I suppose you could call them "neutral" but i tend to think of them as casualties. They are completely not part of equation anymore. Out of those who stayed, some chose my side and some chose the other side. I'm okay with that. I realize that I am not entirely blame less. I did pack up everything and disappear without any warning. However, had I stayed, I don't think I would have survived the rest of the school year. The point is not about who is right and who is wrong. The point is that it is impossible not to choose one person over another.

Forget about lying, forget about pretending, and forget about "sparing feelings"... pick your side and be ready to defend your answer. When it comes to friendships, choose wisely. A fall-out is always close at hand.

A New Goal

Recently, I have found myself wondering what it is about race, religion, gender that gets everyone so riled up. How is it so easy to look down on another person simply because they are different? Someone told me that I am not allowed to yelling in public because it will not make me look tough. It will make me look like a crazy bitch. Well, excuse me. After hearing this, I couldn't help but wonder if I allowed these weird little ideas about "how life should be" influence my opinions about other people.

I don't think that by yelling I am going to come off like a crazy bitch. I think it's more about what I yell. Just like if a man starts freaking out of ridiculous things, he will look like a crazy bitch, too. Yes, I totally think that both genders are equally capable of being bitches. The truth of the matter is you have no right to judge me. You do not know anything about me. (Same as I have no right to judge you.)

What is even more, race is so meaningless. Guess what? My skin is white. Does this make you like me more? Does this make me nicer? Smarter? Crazier? Trashier? How the heck should you know? You haven't met me. You have no idea what I am really like. The color of my skin literally says nothing about the content of my character. The truth of the matter is you have no right to judge me. You do not know anything about me. (Same as I have no right to judge you.)

Religion is something that really gets under my skin. I love believing in a higher power, thinking that there is a bigger reason to be a good person. I love when other people believe in something, too. I am all about having your faith. However, your faith is something personal. Do not tell me that I am wrong because I don't think the same way that you think. The thought of using religion to pass judgment on another person is absurd, and yet, it happens all the time. The truth of the matter is you have no right to judge me. You do not know anything about me. (Same as I have no right to judge you.)

Honestly, if all judgments were left out altogether and we simply took the time to get to know each other, the world would be a much better place. This is my current goal. I hope to spend less time judging others and more time making new friendships.