Counting Blessings

Sometimes I struggle to see the good in the world... I think most people probably know that about me by now. I realize that good is out there; I just don't always see it. The truth is that I'm okay with not being perfect. I'm working to make peace with my shortcomings. I'm fighting to be strong.

Still, on this day, I am reminding myself to count my blessings. Maybe we can say that I'm trying a new technique. Instead of giving into my anxiety, I am standing up to it. Will it work? I have no idea. I hope it does because battling my nerves for the past week is taking a toll on me. Frankly, I am tired... tired of hurting, tired of wanting to be "normal", tired of waiting for it to get better.

So instead of waiting, I am going to remind myself what is going well in my life. I am going to be grateful for all the wonderful people who have helped me become who I am. I am going to laugh with my friends and visit with my family. I am going to enjoy the weather, eat apples, and drink tea. Yes, I am going to force myself to be happy. It takes too much energy otherwise.

So, in this search for happiness, I am going to try to look at the happy things I already have!

Another Month Slips Away

Once again, I am surprised by how quickly the time has flown. It was a month ago that I posted about the heart-breaking rejection I received from my dream job. Since that time, I haven't posted anything. As I sit here staring at my blank computer screen, I wonder why the words aren't flowing from my finger tips the way that they used to...

I found today to be surprisingly challenging. Nothing in particular happened to make it difficult; it just was. I have been trying to figure out what it is that is bothering me. Still, I don't have an answer. Instead, I am sitting in a world of anxiety and looking for an escape. I know that it is just a matter of time before things get better, but waiting is the worse part. I am reminding myself that I used to go months feeling like this just for a day of relief. Now, I have months of happiness with a few random days of anxiety. Overall, it is a drastic improvement. Even though, in this moment, I do not feel "improved".