So here I am. I'm only weeks away from Thanksgiving. I want nothing more than to spend a few days at home. I want to stay in bed all day and watch Law and Order: SVU reruns with my mom. I want to go home to enjoy a few days of being a kid. Then, I realize I am halfway done with this school year. There are about 5 months left of junior year. Suddenly, I am even more sad.
It's weird. I never thought I would be sad about college flying by, but I am. I have just started to enjoy myself here and I know I complain way more than necessary about being stressed, but I am happy. All my time is devoted to school. I run around like a crazy person, complaining about things that will never matter in the long run. Yet, my friends make me laugh again; it's something I haven't done for a long time. My smile is finally back in its place and I like it that way.
So, I think of graduation. Naturally, I am not good at change. I like the big things in life to stay the same. Sometimes, I pretend that I'm awesome at embracing the unexpected, but I'm not. I can only embrace it if I know I it's coming... which, basically defeats the whole concept of being spontaneous and taking on something new. The little things can keep changing. My day can always be different. I see different people. I do different things. That does not mean my life has actually changed. Yet, I am happy with it. I'm content living in a slightly predictable environment.
I have a year and a half in this place, but I'm constantly thinking about the job I am going to get, the place I am going to move, and the life I am going to create. It's a great life in theory, but I like my life now. While I want to move on, I also want to stay here. I feel like I am a year behind in the college experience process since I let last year pass me by. Right now, I feel like I have so much to do here, and not enough time to do it. For just this minute, I am stuck in the middle of two worlds.
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