Self-Esteem Boosters

After so much pain, I am working to repair the places of myself that were broken. My self-esteem took the biggest hit of all. When I think about the number of people who have walked out of my life, I can't help but cry. I wonder what I did to deserve so much hurt. I wonder when it will stop. I wonder when I will be allowed to be happy again.
In order to move on, I am making myself better; one step at a time.

How to Boost Self-Esteem

• Honor your Feelings

We have emotions built into us. We feel happy, sad, hurt, angry, confused, etc. for a reason. The best thing you can do is honor how you are feeling. There is nothing right or wrong about how you feel. It just is. So, you take time to be sad when you need it and you go out when you're ready to enjoy your smile. Only you can tell you what is right and what you need. Listen to yourself; you give the best advice.

• Laugh

At some point in your life, I am sure you've heard the quote "Laughter is the best medicine." If I have learned anything, it is this. The best way to turn around a bad day is to laugh. Find something that makes you so happy, you actually cannot stay upset. Smile, laugh, and realize that you have a far greater purpose to your life than to being upset.

• Recognize your Successes

Just because every day isn't filled with huge accomplishments does not mean that you haven't done something worth recognizing. For me, every single time I overcome my anxiety, I succeed. When I get up and go to class, when I do my homework, when I make a friend laugh, when I give good advice, I succeed. Realizing this means realizing you have more to offer.

• Appreciate your Faults and Failures

No one is perfect. No one does anything right all the time. Yet, our failures are beautiful. They make us who we are. There is not another person on this planet who is exactly like me. I am the only one who can be me. I am the only one who is made this way and I am perfect just how I am.

• Give yourself "You-Time"

Life moves fast. It's messy. Stop running all the time. Take a day off now and then to take care of yourself. After all, you need to feel your best if you are going to live up to your full potential.

To My Friends- I love you!

Having a love-life is a wonderful thing. I was blessed with a pretty good love-life for about 2 years. After it up and walked away without warning, I have been trying to focus on the other things I am blessed with. Often, I describe myself as being 20% of a whole person. I lost the majority of my friends, along with the person I gave the majority of my free time. If I had to guess, I would say that 80% of my life is different. Notice that I said different. It's not a bad thing, it's just different.  While it hurts to know that the boy gave up on me, it is okay. He deserves happiness just as much as I do.

Throughout my healing process, one thing hasn't changed. I have a couple of the most amazing friends in the world. For a while, I doubted them. We didn't spend a lot of time together and I worried it was because they didn't care. I could not have been more wrong. The second that I needed them, they were there. Even people, I didn't know where my friends came to support me. Every Thursday night, I go out with my Education friends. There is nothing that I look forward to more and it gets me through the week.
Yesterday, I was having a bit of anxiety and my Education best friend called to remind me that I'm not alone. She hardly knows my story but somehow she knew just what to say. I am finding that whenever I start to doubt myself, there is also someone there to push me forward. The new group of people that I have been surrounded by is proving to be an amazing addition to my life.

My college best friend hasn't left my side since the day I met her. I thought I would have scared her off by now, but she is always finding new ways to amaze me. One day, I hope to be able to pay her back for all the love and support she has shown me.

Having such wonderful people in my life reminds me that my life is wonderful. I might have a lot of problems and a few unfinished battles, but I have a lot going for me. Rather than counting my struggles, I am going to start counting my blessings.

To the amazing friends who have stuck by me through this process, I love you.

Raise Your Standards

Don't give me that... If you're dating a ______ (hockey star, swimmer, frat boy, etc.) raise your glass. If not, raise your standards.... bullshit.

I love people with high standards. I love being one of them and I love chasing the guy who has them. Yes, I am actually telling you to have high expectations and to hold people to them. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "oh, gosh... lower your standards or you won't have anyone." Here is the problem: I don't want just anyone! I want an amazing someone. The way I see it is a guy (or girl) who loves you should want to hold himself up to a higher level for you; just like you need to hold yourself up to that higher level for him.

What are the top 5 things you cannot be happy without? I think that like most people, you have a couple deal breakers. The real issue is when you step back and look at your deal breakers, they are not harsh enough. You probably make it too easy to date you. You might still be settling, even for the guy who has lived up to all your "so-called" standards. Are you going to leave him because he has glasses or because he yells at you in public? Does is matter if he's under six feet or that he thinks it's cute to ignore your calls? Okay, so those are pretty obvious. But-- How many of us want a nice, romantic guy? I do! Except, is a romantic guy good enough for you? Shouldn't you want a guy who loves you unconditionally? The point is that even though we think we have standards, they often don't require that we actually get what we deserve. The man who is willing to step up to the challenge, now that's a man worth keeping.

Top 5 Things I Cannot Live Without

1. Unconditional Love
2. Respect
3. Loyalty
4. Making the Relationship a Priority
5. No Lies (Trust and Honesty)

So Many Tears

For the first time in a long time, I cried. The tears have been falling since last night and they don't appear to be stopping anytime soon. All I can think is that I honestly hope he is happier now because otherwise I don't think it's worth me feeling this way. There have been so many times that I wanted to call him or tell him that I miss him. Then, I realize that those feelings won't be returned and it hurts so much more.

Sometimes, I wonder what I did wrong. I wonder what I did to lose him. I wonder why I'm not allowed to be happy when everyone else is.

Sometimes, I just hurt too much to be strong.

Get Out of Your Own Way

There is something to be said for trusting yourself. With my anxiety, I struggle with this. The problem is that I can't always tell when my instincts are screaming, "NO!" or my anxiety is getting the best of me. I have started creating personal goals for myself. I want to challenge my anxiety while holding on to my instincts. It has been a pretty bizarre process but I'm liking it. I push myself to step out of my comfort zone and see that the world is not going to come to an end. As long as I stop standing in my own way, I have a great time.
I realized how important this was for me when I spent weeks debating if I was capable of going to Florida for a week with my friends. Normally, this isn't a hard choice. I thought it was a hard decision because of my anxiety. I tried so hard to get myself to say, "yes". Yet, no matter what I did, I couldn't make that choice and I ended up turning down the trip.
As it turns out, it was not my anxiety preventing me but my instincts. One week before the trip, my (former) boyfriend left. I realized later that it wasn't because I was anxious about traveling. Although, I usually get anxious about going places. I couldn't say, "yes" because a deeper part of me knew the trip wasn't going to work out so well. If I would have ignored that little voice, the trip could have been a total mess.
So how exactly am I challenging my anxiety? I'm not big into parties. I like a small group setting much more. Yet, I've been taking every chance I get to go out with my friends. I've been to several bars and a couple parties. As long as I'm surrounded with great people, I have a good time. I am also hanging out with my roommates more. It's my goal to create a bond with each one of the girls I live with. I have been making so many more friends and I am finding that I am getting happier. While the wild life will never be my first choice, I'm learning to enjoy myself in all types of situations.

I am Blessed with a Sister

   Sometimes, I get so swept up in life that I forget to be thankful. It never fails that my sister is the one who brings me back to reality. She does it in a way that melts my heart and breaks down every single one of my defenses. And-- you know what? I love it.
   Yesterday was one of those days where she completely caught me off guard. I was supposed to go to the shooting range with one of her friends. He never called. She asked if I was upset, but I said that over the past year, I've learned not to get my hopes up. When it happens, it's great, but when it doesn't, it's not a big deal. That's what she did it... She told me, "I'm so mad at him. I know that he doesn't know your story, but he is just one more person who has let you down. You really didn't need another broken promise." She spent the rest of the day making it up to me (which she did not need to do).

Why am I telling you this?
   There is nothing greater than the people who love us. Regardless of whether you're single, taken, married, divorced... you know the kind of love I am talking about. It's not over the top, nothing too showy. It's simple, honest, and never-ending. It's not given and taken back; once it's there, it stays forever.
    I am blessed with a sister. She is honestly my best friend and my greatest support. When all else fails, I know that I can count on her. This is what we should all be focusing on-- the good things in life. I know, quite well, how rough life can be. Yet, spending all my time caught up in everything that's going wrong, leaves no room to be happy or feel loved. Sometimes, it's not about being strong. Cry when you need it. Ask for help when you feel weak. Hold a friend's hand for support. And-- remember to count your blessings.

How to be Single

I am realizing that after all this time... the majority of my college career.... I don't know how to be single. I have spent the past couple years putting someone else's needs before my own. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I chose to come second. It seemed far more important to make sure he was happy. So I dropped what I was doing to see him when he asked, I surprised him with weird little goodies, or I sent mush-ball text messages for no reason. These were all things that I wanted to be doing, because his happiness mattered more than my own. Even after all that, he left me. Now, I don't know how to come first in my life.
So once again, I am creating a list. It is time to take control.

All the things Single-Life has to Offer.
     1. Say "yes" to opportunities
If you've ever been in a relationship, I am sure you can agree that you turned down an opportunity because your significant other wouldn't like it. If you are anything like me, you'd ask yourself, "How would I feel if he did this?" Now, you don't have to ask yourself that question. If you want to try something new, go out to dinner with an old friend, or hit up the bar... do it. Put yourself out there and have fun!

     2. Invest in yourself
What is it that you like to do? Who would you like to become? This is the time to find out. Join clubs, sports, or spend time with friends. You should be figuring out everything there is to know about yourself now. This way when the right person comes along, you will be ready. You'll know who you are and where you stand.

     3. Build better friendships
In my opinion, this is the best thing you can do for yourself. Work towards happy and healthy relationships. Consider this practice for when the right person comes your way. You will know how to work together, compromise, laugh, talk, and disagree. Surround yourself with fabulous people and feel fabulous!

     4. Flirt
Go out. Have fun. Meet people. In no way am I suggesting that you lead on everyone you meet, but remember that it's okay to put yourself out there. Even if it leads no where, who doesn't enjoy having a bit of fun and feeling good in the process.

     5. Answer only to yourself
This ties into every other option listed above. When you go out, when you agree to try something new, or when you laugh with your friends, remember that the decision is yours. It is about doing whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. How you decide to live your life is up to you.

Common Mistakes that Love Birds Make!

As you all know, I just got out of a long-term relationship (one that I hoped would have no ending in sight). It has been just over a week of singleness and I'm really learning a lot about love. Read my The Must-Haves! when it comes to a solid relationship. It's a pretty short list, but includes showing your love and being open to hearing each other out. And-- Don't worry about my future boyfriend. I promise to give him all the same things in return. Right now, however, I am determined to figure out where I went wrong in my previous relationship.

Here are some relationship problems and how to solve them. They seem like common sense, but after looking over this list, I think I could benefit from this advice just as much as the next guy! After all, every relationship is bound to hit a couple bumps here and there, but it's best to know the plan of attack ahead of time.

• Talk it out.

It is okay to get heated, angry, and emotional. Matter of fact, I think it's a good thing. It shows that you care about something. The problem is when you refuse to hear the other side, or you simply don't make time to talk about it. If you let it simmer now, you will explode later. If you must, actually schedule time to talk, perhaps over a nice dinner. Set the mood before hand. If you decide to be calm and rational, you both win.

• Limit the demands.

If something is really important to you, of course you can ask that your partner be there to share it with you. This doesn't mean that you demand to spend all free time together or get super clingy when you go out. You both need to be individual people and have aspects of your lives that are separate. It is crucial that you are both emotion supports for each other, not emotional burdens.

• Control jealousy.

Every single time someone is nice to your partner, it does not mean they are interested in more than friendship. Realize that you might be overreacting and work on understanding that in a healthy relationship, you can trust the person you are with. Remember, it is okay to approach your partner to ask for a little reassurance now and then.

• Face changes together.

Life is going to move forward, change, and adapt. You need to be willing to work through the new stages of life as one. You have to not only be aware of what is best for you, but what is best for your partner. This might mean that you are willing to compromise. As long as you remember to face the world as a team, you both win.

• Make your love life a priority!!

Like most couples, you probably have a million cute stories about when you started dating. I bet they have become few and far between as the relationship went on. This is because we put our best foot forward in the beginning. Then we get lazy as time goes on. Do cute things to remind your partner that you are still in love. Make time to pop in and say hi to them at work or give random compliments. If your partner really matters, show them on a regular basis that you care.

Most of all, LOVE YOURSELF!