It's Time to Live

Disclaimer: When it comes to love, I am scared, bitter, optimistic, and child-like. My opinions don't always match my actions.

Driving home from a fabulous weekend get-away, I heard a song about "the one who got away". I started thinking and it occurred to me that I don't believe in letting one get away. See, I used to want to be that girl. I wanted to steal your heart and disappear into the distance. In my head, it's super romantic to silently love someone from a far.

Yet, the saying "the one who got away" reminds me of another saying: "live life with no regrets." Now, possibly I understand it wrong, but I think I want a couple regrets. I believe in making mistakes more than just getting it right every time. I want to live and learn. I want to look back and know that I tried. I might have failed, but I gave it chance. If you let someone get away, it's easy. It's safe. You don't get hurt. But-- you don't live.
I believe that every bump, bruise, and major wound will make you stronger. When someone cracks your heart in half, you have the chance to rebuild it. You can put it back together in a way that works just a little better than before. Even more, you learn from your mistakes; you know more about life in general. If you let someone get away, well, you don't have that option anymore.

I guess what I'm saying is if you have someone that might get away, chase them. Fight for them, until you know for certain that the fight is over. Even if you get hurt, you can look back and know you tried. And, who knows, it might just end up being worth that fight. Either way, life is far to short to do anything other than live...

Be Grateful

After reviewing my list of Ten Steps to a Happier Lifestyle, I realized that I forgot a truly important step: Be Grateful.

Recently, I have not been grateful. I know that I haven't. I work 5 days a week. The other two days, I was taking a class. My "free time" only exists when I am asleep. My whole body hurts on a regular basis, I live at home for the first time in a year but never see my family, fun things only happen at the cost of not sleeping. This is far from the summer that I had in mind. I'm doing things I need to be doing, but never have time for the things I want to be doing.
So, I am working to change the way I am looking at this summer. It isn't always easy. I am quick to get frustrated when I miss out on something fun, or when my family gets mad that I'm not contributing around the house. Yet, I am constantly reminding myself that by working so much now, I won't need to work during my senior year. When I do find time to catch up with a friend, I enjoy every second of it, and I look forward to late night phone calls that result in lots of giggles.
This is not the way I want to spend my summer. Since this is the way that my summer is going to be spent, I have two choice. I can either be mad, tired, annoyed, and feel sorry for myself OR I can take the few good things, and really appreciate them.

Needless to say, I am trying to appreciate the good things, no matter how few and far between. I am lucky that working hard for 4 months means enjoying 8 work-free months of college. I am lucky that my friends stay up late to laugh with me when I finally get off work. I am lucky that my family tries to work around my schedule so that I can see them now and then.  While, I am unhappy with a lot about this summer, I still have things to appreciate. I believe that finding these small things to be grateful for, even in the midst of a poor situation, will truly contribute to your overall happiness.

Ten Steps to Happy

Once upon a time, I believed in happy ends. Then, I realized that I am only going to be as happy as I make myself. It is up to me. I won't just find myself enjoying a "happy ending" if I don't do what it takes to be happy. Slowly, I have been taking control of my life and using my blog to document my progress. I've come a long way in the past 10 months. While I am still far too young to really plan the rest of my life, I can plan my "right now". I've decided to create a list of ten steps to happiness. They don't go in any particular order, but keeping them in mind will certainly lead to a fuller life.

Ten Steps to a Happier Lifestyle

1. Find one reason to smile everyday
2. Take 5 minutes everyday for yourself
3. Spend time with people you love
4. Look for beautiful things in the world
5. Laugh at yourself
6. Make mistakes
7. Forgive quickly
8. Do things you've never done before
9. Dress nicely (it makes you feel better)
10. Get good sleep and eat well

Take Time to Reflect

Have you ever taken the time to look back over your past relationships, flings, crushes? I mean to really look at them? Chances are, if you are anything like me, you haven't. Sure, I glanced back now and then. I told funny stories or complained about things that I never bothered to tell him that he was "doing wrong". Sometimes, I would even go as far as miss him for a while. That's not what I'm talking about, though. Not even close.

Take a few minutes, hours, or weeks and reflect back on what worked. Even more importantly, reflect back on what didn't work. For every person you've ever been attracted to, ask yourself, "What did I like about this person?" and "What didn't I like about this person?". Then take all of the things you don't like and figure out which ones you cannot live with. Those are the qualities that you need to avoid.
I'm realizing that I don't have a ton of things that I truly can't live with, but the ones on my list have no exception.

• No name-calling or using secrets against each other. Fight fair.
• No hitting, pushing, or throwing things. 
• One parent will be a "stay-at-home" parent until children reach, at least, age 5.
• Open communication. 
• Cannot be controlling. We are both part of the decision process.
• Sharing of responsibilities and burdens.
• Willing (and wanting) to make time for the two of us to be alone.

I believe that a healthy relationship consists of love and understanding. Both people are going to make mistakes, get insecure, and need extra attention from time to time. As long as your relationship is built on mutual understanding and trust, you have nothing to worry about. Love and respect the one you're with, and the rest will work itself out.

The Girl We Love to Hate

Yesterday at work I overheard a six year old girl say, "Mommy, what is with all the big girls wearing those little skirts?"  At first, I giggled to myself. A second later, it pulled me back to the conversation I had had a few nights ago with one of my best friends. She was telling me how annoyed she gets by girls who sell themselves short. Truthfully, I agree.

We've all seen them, the girls with the tiny tops and short skirts. Chances are, at one time, you either wanted to be her or date her. Why?

Sure, from the surface, she looks like she has it all. She's cute, has a great body, she must have a ton of confidence if she's wearing that little number, and she is always dating some star athlete. Have you ever stopped and looked a little closer? Did you take the chance to get to know that girl? Is her life really as perfect as you seem to think?
At the risk of sounding conceited, I have been told that I can have anyone or anything I want. I have flashed a smile once or twice to get my way. Yet, I have never dressed in a way that grabs any extra attention. When it comes down to it, I am happy with who I am. I don't need to show myself off in order to feel pretty. I don't doubt that I'm loved just because every set of eyes isn't on me. I refuse to be seen as some super hot chick walking down the street.

Honestly, it breaks my heart to think that girls feel they must put on this type of show. Part of me, of course, is jealous. This girl is all kinds of popular. The other part of me is sad. The second she breaks up with her boyfriend, she's running into the arms of someone else. She's posting suggestive pictures on facebook, and she's talking trash about the boy that she used to love. I wonder how it is that she ended up this way. She is easily the girl we love to hate.

So I can't help but offer my opinion. Next time you see this girl, love her. More than anything, that's what she needs. She needs to know that she is more than just a hot body. Appreciate her for the person she actually is.
For those of you who have been her, are her, or want to be her-- figure out what it is that will make you happy and chase that dream instead. There is more to life than looking pretty. It won't matter if you had the most boyfriends, had the cutest clothes, or drove the best car.  In the end, you will be far happier if you lived, made mistakes, laughed, and learned.

Story Time!

"What goes around comes around."
"Karma's a bitch."
"Watch out--- it will come back to bite you."

Whether you believe in karma or you don't, we've all heard the quotes about "getting yours". Some of us deserve happiness and feel like we keep getting short changed. Some of us should probably be miserable, but end up smiling non-stop. It's easy to trash talk karma. It's easy to say that life isn't fair. Until recently, I was not a believer in karma. I would have told you that thing don't happen for a reason, they just happen. I would have given thousands of reasons that life was unfair.

After going out with a friend of mine one night, I got to thinking about a conversation we had. She told me a story about our mutual friend. Now, he's the kind of guy that prides himself on getting around (if you know what I mean). He's a great friend but I definitely would never fall for him. Anyway, he has cheated on every girl that he has ever been with. I know this because he openly talks about it at work. He used to think it was funny that he could still pick up girls even though he was in a relationship. What I didn't know was that there is only one girl that he never cheated on. Later, I came to find out that she cheated on him. He doesn't talk about her. Apparently, he let it slip to my friend. He said that he finally knows how it feels. He hasn't had a girlfriend since. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing it is because he is waiting for a girl who is worth his loyalty. (Or, maybe this is just my hope.)

Regardless, he is a happy guy. He appears to have everything he could want. He is always in a good mood, has tons of friends, and lots of girls. I always wondered if/when he would learn his lesson about the way he treated people as if they were replaceable. I couldn't figure out why he got to be so happy all the time when he had hurt so many people throughout his life. I didn't know that he had been hurt, too. I only saw the suffer of his life. The truth is that life is far more complicated, and even when we look, we don't always see the full picture. Before you jump to conclusions or pass judgments, remember that you do not know the whole story. There is far more going on.

As Plato once said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Bad-Mood Busters!

Bad moods are contagious... And, no one wants to catch yours! It is so easy to get down about something and then walk around pulling everyone down with you. We all do it. I know that I am guilty of this. Yet, I am finding that there are ways to "cure" a bad mood.

Next time you are feeling down, don't snap at everyone within earshot.
Instead, try one of these suggestions!

1. Go to a quiet place and read
2. Take a quick walk around the block
3. Call up a long lost friend and laugh!
4. Turn on your favorite TV show
5. Cheer someone else up
6. Take a cat-nap
7. Blast your music super loud
8. Enjoy a cup of tea
9. Dance, exercise, run-- get moving
10. Remind yourself "Tomorrow is another day!"

There is no reason to let a bad mood eat away at you. As my best friend always says, "Stress is the worst thing you can do to your body."  Taking your stress out on others is a pretty nasty thing to do to your friendships. I believe that there is no reason to suffer from an unnecessary bad mood, and even less of a reason to make others suffer. So skip the snappy comebacks and long winded complaints. Just do something to change it.