A Pointless Reflection

Here's the truth... Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to, or even expect that it will. I was chatting with a girl from work. As it turns out, we went to high school together. I didn't know her but I knew several people that she had been friends with. Had I known her, I doubt we would have been friends. But, I really like her. I'm glad that I met her in a neutral setting so that we could get to know each other without outside influence. Our conversation eventually lead me to telling her about my awful living experience, as well as some of the things I was forced to endure.

While I was reliving my nightmare of a school year, I realized how few people truly stood by me. Tons of people were there through the fight, but shortly after it ended, they distanced themselves from me. There will always be a special place in my heart for them after all the support the gave me. Yet, the friends I had before my sophomore year and the ones I have now are probably 85% different. Some left for a while and came back. Others pop in and out unexpectedly. So few have faithfully reminded by my side.

As much as it hurts to realize the number of people that I lost, it hurts even more to think that maybe I lost them because I wasn't worth that much effort. Life is full of curve balls and if you can't rely on your friends, it's going to be an extremely lonely fight. Even a few of the friends who decided to stay, bring up how much they helped me. As if I could ever repay them? Nothing will come close to enough after all they've done for me. Not one million thank-yous. Not tons of presents.

I never pictured myself in this situation after the awfulness ended. I never saw myself having to create a whole new group of friends or spending my time trying to repay the few remained. I might have own the battle as I am no longer miserably living in the worst situation imaginable. But, I lost the war. A year has passed since I last engaged with my former housemates, but I still find myself picking up a missed piece now and again.

The only difference is that now I know I can do it. I know that I will make it. Somehow, everything will work itself out. It may not go the way I hope it does, but I am so much stronger. I am able to rebuild my life, even if it means starting over.