As Reality Sets Back In...

I cried today. I cried a big, never-ending stream of tears. I was disappointed in myself today. It has been a while since I cried over my broken heart. All I wanted was a hug. That is what brought me to tears. I was sitting in my room, looking around. I realized where I was now verses where I used to be, and I decided that I wanted a hug. Yet, no one was there to hug me. My family is home and I am at school. At that very second, I felt so alone. It was a new feeling, something that even in the awful house of last year, I never felt. I knew that I was not going through my struggles alone. This time is different. This time, I can't call up the boy and ask for a hug. I have no one to love me when I get lonely. That thought brought me to tears.

Yet, instead of spending the time wishing for a dream that will never come true, I have decided I need to wake up. He is never coming back. He will never be sorry for calling me hopeless or leaving me behind after I opened up about the scariest pieces of my life. There is a very good chance that we will never even speak again. This is something that I need to accept. No matter how much I want to pretend it isn't real, I do not have a choice. This is real.

I need to take the time to remember my own set of "Life Laws" and rule number 1 was to Be Myself and Love Myself. With that, I need to understand that my life has changed. I have changed. At the cost of sounding conceited, I am going to dedicate this post to myself, to the girl I was before and to the girl that I have become.

• I used to be strong. But, my tears are beautiful. My emotions give me a soft side.
• I used to laugh all the time. But, my experiences taught me to take certain things seriously.
• I used to have an opinion about everything. But, I've learned to "go with the flow."
• I used to keep my problems to myself. But, now I know it's okay to trust people.
• I used to wait to be approached. But, I don't want anyone to feel excluded so I move first.
• I used to like myself. But, I've found that I need to love myself.
• I used to think I was happy because I had him. But, I learned I can be happy without him.
• I used to think nothing could touch me. But, I know now that I'm not invincible and it's okay.
• I used to be happy all the time. But, my mood swings make me real.
• I used to believe in getting even. But, I found it's more important to forgive.

Moving on... any way you can.

(Image originally found here. Great blog. Check it out and see more photos.)